Reducing stress in anxious kids

Do you have an anxious child?

Maybe you have a child on the autistic spectrum? Perhaps one with attachment or sensory disorders? Well this blog might just help you with one tricky aspect of parenting a child with additional needs: change and transitions. I wanted to share with you something I have devised as a way to help my little boy combat his anxiety when we are busy or have a day out planned somewhere.

Noah is 5 and currently in year 1. We are in the (longgggg) process of having Noah assessed to find out what his additional needs are. He struggles so much with everyday things that other children seem to whizz through. He is in sensory overload constantly, which often leaves him exhausted and scared. Noah battles with his attention and seems to struggle processing instructions or commands, particularly when stressed. And the list of things that trigger him to feel stressed are as long as he is! Some of the most common and easy for me to now intercept are: me talking to someone else, strong smells, crowds, questions, compliments, sudden sounds, laughter, strangers, mild pain, jokes… all of these can cause Noah to become very anxious, introverted, upset or even angry. The most guranteed way for him to feel stress though is for us to be having a busy day with lots of changes.

Why do some kids feel stress more than others?

Because Noah struggles to process how the things listed above make him feel, his brain is flooded with mixed up signals. As a result, he may not respond to the input in an appropriate way. E.g crying when someone tells a joke or curling into a ball when he is paid a compliment. I’ve heard it referred to as being like a “traffic jam” in the brain – all the sensory input is going in but there’s a bit of a backlog and it’s not all getting though.

How can we limit stress?

One thing I’m constantly asking myself is, “how can I make his life easier?” His life seems so bloody hard at times. He is extremely loving and very intelligent and it breaks my heart to think of his potential going unfulfilled because of all of his processing problems. Therefore I am always looking for ways to help him cope with his triggers. The number one way to reduce his stress is to have him outdoors in the open and fresh air, but of course this can’t always be possible.

I try to keep his weekly routine very rigid. We don’t do too many spontaneous activities and mostly our life is very repetitive and well planned. We always have a very calm and chilled hour after school. When I collect him, I’m very mindful not to ask him about his day or impose questions on him. He bottles up a lot of his feelings at school and conforms well (mostly) to school routines, so when he gets home he can be very emotional, confused and tired. This has in the past come out in extreme anger towards me too. So to ensure he can unwind a little, we have a quiet walk back to the car. I have found that this works much better than taking him to the park after school. He’s just not ready for complete freedom yet. Often a trip to the park after school results in tears – same goes for any kind of shopping trip. He needs quiet and he needs to go home. So that’s what we do.

Making a story map

However…. there are always the occasions when we can’t be chilled and go home. And what about at weekends when we have plans? Or holidays? Well – these are often very difficult and have caused both of us oceans of tears over the past few years. On days like this, particularly busy days, I use a story map with him to map out his day like a little plan. Let’s be honest, most adults like a bit of a plan. If you think about it, kids have little control over what they’re doing in most areas of life; They’re told what to wear, what to eat, when to eat, where to go and when to sleep. So giving them information is essential for calming anxiety and giving them some healthy control. 

On busy days (such as a weekend or even a big day like Christmas) I use a story map to show Noah what we’re doing. I’ve tried all manner of visual timetables with him off the internet and non have ever really captured him. This however, has. I use the story mapping technique as a class teacher with my children in school to help them learn stories off by heart. This in turn enables them to then write a story and embellish it themselves. (Credit to Pie Corbett and Talk for writing) so I thought I’d try it with Noah. It works for a busy day and even a “veg out” and stay home day; Just make sure there are clearly differentiated parts of your day on there. 

Firstly I draw the ‘road’ (like a back to front S) I then talk him through our day and we draw the map together (I draw it and explain in simple terms what each part of our day looks like (in order) and he interjects with ideas for the pictures) clearly not every bit of the day is on there to allow for SOME flexibility. But the travelling and the change of venues are clearly marked. Noah always likes tea to be on there as he loves his food! For Noah, I’ve added a few key words that he can read and numbered them too as he loves numbers. For older children, times could even be added. Eventually he will draw the pictures too!

We talk through the map once it is finished and usually by then Noah knows his day off by heart. Then he colours it all in. In total it only takes around 15 minutes. He’ll often carry it around or have it in the car and he can refer to it if he feels a bit stressed. It really helps him to know what’s coming next and this really does ease his anxiety when we’re out and about. I find it relieves some of his stress about the things around him that he can’t control. This in turn, helps his behaviour to be more appropriate.

I hope some of this is usual to you. If you have any other ideas to combat stress in young children PLEASE do share them with me in the comments or head on over to me on Facebook or Insta – find me, Holly, under Little Learners Southport and Preston!

And to my little boy, Noah… Should you ever read this, I hope you know that to me, you are the most perfect person in the whole world. Just the way you are.

xxx